Parent Reflections
Frank and Betty Walker, parents of Lauren Walker (CCSC 08-09)
If your child is pursuing this opportunity, you’ve done well in raising an unselfish child who wants to serve others, stretch their limits, and expand their horizons. This program will do that and more. Our daughter had life-changing experiences for herself and others, and made lifetime friends. Trust that the program will love and take care of your child and, if you can trust your child, let them go for it!
Mary Kelly and Jim Perschy, parents of Margaret Perschy
My daughter, Margaret, was in her last semester of Engineering school when she began sharing her vision of the next step. She explained how she sensed a call to do a year or two of volunteer service and was researching which organization to become affiliated with. She had been involved with spiritual community and service since her high school days, and I sensed her yearning for peace and justice grow throughout college, so I ought not to have been surprised. However, that nagging thought of our youngest daughter finding a real, paying job and becoming economically independent, would still pop into my mind, as well as into my husband, Jim’s, thinking.
Margaret discovered the Diocesan Service Corps (now CCSC) by paging through a catalogue of volunteer groups that she received at a fair at the University of Virginia. I heard such excitement in her voice when she discovered that there actually was such a program in Buffalo. I was not clear whether her enthusiasm for that particular place stemmed from the possibility of spending a whole winter in snow country, or whether she was thrilled to be geographically close to her aunts, uncles and cousins. We had visited the Kelly clan each summer while vacationing at Sherkston Beach in Ontario, or in Buffalo. Margaret often talked about wanting to spend more time with her relatives.
She applied to DSC, was interviewed for the volunteer job with the Catholic Charities’ Perry Project and Lackawanna food pantries , was accepted, and said, “yes.” I had known Sister Joan as a dedicated supervisor at Perry, as it was close to where I had lived, and taught middle school math, before moving to Maryland after the blizzard of ’77. Margaret’s enthusiasm was definitely contagious.
Yes, but, what about…?Oh yes, there were some practical concerns. Although I was born in Buffalo, and lived there for over 30 years, how would my suburban daughter gain the “street smarts” for city living? Where would she stay? How would she travel to work? Although simplicity is an admirable value, would “living simply” ever compromise health and safety?
I was ambivalent about contacting Amy Fleishauer, the director of the program that year, to discuss my reservations. After all, Margaret was graduating from college. How many parents get directly involved in talking with the supervisor of their adult child’s first professional job? Was this one more necessary stage of “parental letting go” for me, and also for Jim, who was formulating his own questions? I decided to let some answers unfold, even as other issues surfaced.
Yes, the employer provides health insurance. There is a shared car available. The volunteers do receive a stipend each month. If each volunteer and the community plan carefully, it will cover nourishing food, gas, and other necessities.
A welcome siteIn mid-September, less than a month after the program began, Jim and I drove to Buffalo for my class reunion, which coincided with the weekend the DSC community was hosting their welcoming picnic. While munching on subs on the lawn, we got to meet Amy, board members, fellow volunteers, and some of their family members, work site supervisors and co-workers, and even some neighbors. During the house tour, while I was looking at the condition of the mattresses thinking of the consequences of old ones upon Margaret’s dust allergies, and evaluating fire escape routes, I heard my brother Jack’s deep policeman voice, “Can we see the basement?” Jim and Margaret’s other uncle, Tom, followed the parade. The three inspectors surfaced with a favorable report. Yes, the furnace had been recently replaced. They even determined that the house had a good foundation.
I was chuckling, noticing another volunteer’s family taking their own inventory. I suspect that, in general, parents each have their own unique questions and concerns. I became more reassured as the program unfolded. I learned of the careful thinking and planning that had gone into providing for the good of the volunteers’ stay. DSC was doing what they could to provide a structure and to prepare the corps members for the “how to’s” in making the year as growth producing, faith-filled and as safe as possible.
Problem-solvingSheets of newsprint were taped on the walls of the community living room with writing and drawings from the orientation retreat. Each volunteer illustrated his or her unique way of dealing with situations and managing problems. I found it so reassuring that the community was participating in conflict resolution activities. Living in community can be most challenging, even with open-hearted people, dedicated to serve others. The ripple effect of time spent on peacemaking, with one small group at a time, can flow beyond the immediate, touching communities, cities, country and the world.
Living simply, and having fun
The dining room table was covered with glue, tiles, cloth, markers, at various stages of becoming wall-hangings, vases, and possibly a not-quite-determined creation. Hidden creativity surfaced. The thought, time and effort opened a lightness and spontaneity that was palpable. I treasure the bible cover Margaret sewed for me for Christmas, as well as the delight with which she presented each of the gifts she had created for our family.
There was talk of a free concert at the local college. Co-workers and relatives invited the community to parties, and shared passes for events. The operative word was “free” or “very cheap.” Then again, they could always climb on the buffalos scattered around the city. I suppose it helped to think “outside the box.”
Social justice intensiveIn January, the four volunteers and Amy had flown into Baltimore –Washington International airport and needed a ride to Washington to attend a conference. As a driver, I had a chance to attend parts of “Politics and Spirituality: Seeking a Public Integrity,” sponsored by the Sojourners, D.C. social action group, and the Center for Action and Contemplation in Arizona.
It felt like an immersion program in social justice, energized by contemplative prayer. The opening procession highlighted the prophetic voices of Dorothy Day, Oscar Romero, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, the four churchwomen martyred in El Salvador, and twelve less-recognized pioneers, such as Black Elk , Etty Hillesum, Simone Weil, who had chosen inspired living on behalf of marginalized people, who had no voice. The mammoth posters lined the walls, depicting each of these courageous human beings, as we proclaimed the words “We are surrounded by a Great Cloud!” We had been enriched by these witnesses who have gone us, and we embraced their spirit.
Richard Rohr, Catholic priest, reminded us that Jesus always goes where the suffering is. In his evangelical tone, Jim Wallis added that God invites us to sign up for his work in this world, with the assurance, “I will never leave you alone.” The cold wintry weekend culminated in a pilgrimage to the Capitol, where hundreds raised their voices in prayer and in song announcing to our policymakers that the poor and disenfranchised do indeed have a voice. By joining in solidarity with the powerlessness of the poor, amid the indifference of the powerful, we make space for transformation by the Spirit.
The prophetic challenge
We were left to ponder: “Prophets are being raised up. Will we be one of the prophets?” Will we step out of our comfort zone to affect the lives of people in our cities, country, churches and the world?
Although I did not have much contact with the DSC community during the next few months, I know that my own thinking was challenged, and my understanding of justice continued to broaden. In retrospect I was impressed by the determination of Amy to scrimp and save within the retreat budget to make this opportunity possible.
As her year of service was coming to an end, I recall Margaret mentioning on the phone about carving out time to reflect upon questions in preparation for their final retreat. I remember thinking how important this transitional time would be. These four young people had chosen to set aside this year to become immersed in gospel values of living, learning, and serving in community with a spiritual foundation of simplicity and justice. How might they advance into the next phase of their lives?
Moving On
When Margaret returned to Maryland, her hopes and choices seemed to be filtered through a lens of respect for the earth, social justice concerns, and touching the lives of the marginalized. She spoke of sustainable resources while job hunting. She would join a friend, who lives and does volunteer service out of A Simple House in D.C. stocking the food pantry or building relationships with the neighborhood poor. She spent a vacation week at Nazareth Farms in West Virginia to join that community in repairing homes and walked 39.3 miles as a sponsor at the D.C. Avon Walk For Cancer Research.
Not long after she returned from Buffalo, Margaret met Nate through mutual friends in Virginia. Their common interest in touching the lives of those in need seemed to draw them even closer. They even maneuvered their work schedules to meet weekly in D.C. to attend a Just Faith class, along with an occasional day of volunteering. Anyone who saw them together sensed they were a good match (Nate’s mom likes to say “A match made in heaven”).
Together and Beyond
In March, Margaret Perschy and Nate Smith became engaged, and set November 1st, 2008 as their wedding date. The festivities would be simple, and needed to include their many communities of family and friends. The planning for the ceremony and the reception reflected who they had become, and how they wished to spend their lives together.
Margaret and Nate invited anyone who wanted to help craft the events, to join in the planning. Music talent abounded in the form of soloists, a choir, a Life Teen band, and even a D.J. for the reception. Specialists in food preparation came forth from the parish where Nate was a youth minister. Great cooks offered to direct groups of worker bees, chopping veggies and fruit, to prepare unique and varied dishes. Even a wedding cake baker emerged, who created a green cascade water scene upon a scrumptious cake.
Nate’s parents, Carla and Randall, responded to the couple’s request to have the guests celebrate the rehearsal dinner in costume. After all, it was Halloween. The sense of fun and community would continue to build, especially with Frankenstein’s monster and his bride planning on paying a visit.
Simply Sensible
Stunned by the price of wedding gowns, Margaret and a friend drove down to a boutique in Lynchburg, VA. Beautiful, yet, recently out-of-date dresses are given by the designers to Church Street Bridal Shop to make room for the very latest style. The money is donated to YMCA programs, including the local domestic violence center. Margaret found a dress, and with a few alterations, it became a perfect-fitting, lovely gown.
Along with practical, traditional items, threads of Margaret’s and Nate’s core values wove through the registry listings. The compost system was rather unique --- thankfully the worms wouldn’t arrive until a much later date. A fair trade online store featured table linens made by women in third-world countries, who get paid a fair wage, as well as health care and education benefits. People could choose to send a donation in Margaret and Nate’s name to one of the four non-profit organizations, serving those in need in Virginia, and D.C., as well as an international humanitarian agency, listed.
The alternative registry also hosted a request for original artwork, including, short stories, poetry, paintings, or sculptures. I got to see the clever and sturdy coffee table made out of a birch tree that Erin constructed. It symbolized their friendship, her skill and her own dedication to simple living.
Spiritual presence
Margaret spent five days at the Emmanuel Benedictine Monastery in Baltimore three weeks before she got married. She had carved out this important retreat time, just before she moved into those last-minute details of preparing for this most important event.
On a warm late-fall afternoon, Jim and I walked arm-in-arm on either side of our vibrant daughter, with family and friends lining the aisles singing alleluias, beaming in love and excitement. When Nate took Margaret’s hand, I sensed that we were part of a sacred moment. Beginning with the first reading from the Song of Songs, a sense of reverence and peace and joy filled the gathering, as Margaret and Nate joined their lives in love, in the Spirit of Love.
The themes of the singing on that memorable day continue to play.
We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load. (The Servant Song – Richard Gillard)Here I am, Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night,
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart. (Here I am, Lord – Daniel L. Schutte)