Volunteer Reflections
GOD IS THE DRIVER AND I AM THE PASSENGER By: Marva
"Half Way, Half Way" is what I sang, shouted, and screamed as I ran up and down the stairs in our home. It is a great feeling to know that I have lived with four individuals for approximately four months. My life has truly been blessed through listening and interacting with my community.
Are you ready for the "ride" of your life? Hold on tight, because you will be shifted forward, backwards, up and down. At the end you will know that this was truly a thrill to have tried the Diocesan Service Corps.
Orientation was a BLAST! I arrived in AWE at the place where I was going to stay for a week. The surroundings were beautiful and all I could say was GOD is here. I met the director, other committee members, my community, and several individuals who led us through various activities daily. As the week progressed, I became more informed about my community member's lives. To my surprise, I did not form an opinion of them in my mind. I noticed that I was different from them in a lot of areas, but that was okay with me. What makes the world different? It is the people who live in it that are so unique.
Friday arrived, and off we were to our new home for a year. My first thoughts were "No Way" am I sharing a room or bathroom with anyone. That was the selfish side of me speaking! I ended up sharing a room for a while with my female community member, and I currently share a bathroom with the guys. How quickly what I thought I would not do, I did and am still doing. Be slow to speak, God will show you different.
We have gone through our first and second month as a community and all is not well with me. Now the ride has begun and it is shaky and how do I hold on? "Please fasten your seat belt". The aggravation that I had been feeling and hiding had "hit" the fan shall I say. I could no longer hold my peace. I had to shout it from the "roof top" that I was frustrated, aggravated, annoyed, confused, and ready to get away from everyone and all of my situations. One night, I laid all of my burdens on the table, but not in the right way or tone. Now you can loosen the seat belt a little. I felt free, FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY FREE AT LAST. To my amazement, my community appreciated my truthfulness, but not my tone. Thinking that no one would retaliate, someone did and I became defensive and aggravated. That is when the ride became so shaky that I began to hold on so tight, that no one could loosen my grip. The community members were the last people I wanted to see or speak with. God is always driving when we think he is not!
Fall Retreat was a difficult time for me. I arrived really disliking one of my community members. I made it a point not to shift my body as God hit the curves and bumps in the road (avoiding that person as much as possible). All I wanted to do was sleep, because I was tired of interacting with my community. I believed that I could be somewhere else doing something that I wanted to do. Pivo Point captured my attention as I began to loosen my grip from the door handle and view the outside world. After three days of effective listening, I left fall retreat with VISION. God knows that I have vision, but I need to be able to SEE through every situation that arises.
Excited, because the ride is more settled now, I made it through Thanksgiving, and soon I will be home for Christmas. I am thrilled because this ride is beginning to teach me "Who I Am". I believed that I had to give up who I was to understand everyone else around me, and I was determined not to become interdependent. To my realization, I just had to open myself up to others and allow others to be open with me. Not judging the way they start the engine, back up, move forward, or park. I have learned to be the passenger in difficult situations that I am not able to handle right away.
I have to Thank God for giving me this opportunity to be a part of a program that is instilling in me four great tenants (spirituality, community, simplicity, and social justice). Thank You God for directing the steering wheel in my life, because there are times when I truly do not know if I should go right, left, straight, or stand still. Without God, my feet would stay on the accelerator not knowing when to hit the brakes.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.